A few weeks ago, my 10-year-old nephew snickered a little at a photo of his father, taken back when Dad was in college. He was wearing shorts that hung just below his balls. "That's just the kind of shorts people wore back then," I explained.

Of course no self-respecting person today wears shorts that expose his thighs, and even showing your knees is considered a fashion misdemeanor.

And I want to punch whoever decided to make that change.

Not because I enjoy looking at legs. I do, but not in any big way. The fact that - I'm told - I have nice legs doesn't do a lot for my self-image, at least not as much as being told that I had a nice smile or a nice tummy would. Those I appreciate. But I've got enough photos of guys wearing nothing but a smile, so that's nothing to fume over.

No, I hate the arbiters of fashion because the long and heavy sacks that pass for "shorts" these days are way too damn hot! For the small amount of skin surface area I have exposed to the weak breezes, I might as well be wearing full-length slacks!

I suspect the reason "longs" are considered so fashionable today has something to do with popularity of baggy clothing in general. It's related to the fattening of our society. Young people these days are carrying around more fat and less muscle than ever before. Tight shirts and short shorts would show that off. So instead they hide under the folds of their fashions. And force us all to go out in 90-degree, 90%-humidity weather and sweat and sweat and sweat.