Cerebus: The End

I didn't get to the comics shop on New Comics Day this past week, so I was a few days late in picking up the 300th - and final - issue of Cerebus. But heck, Dave was late sometimes, so I don't feel too bad about that.

Cerebus is - or was, I should say - an epic story about the life of an aardvark. It began in 1977 as a Conan parody, written, illustrated, and published by a guy named Dave Sim. It rather quickly grew into something with more depth and breadth than that, and Sim declared fairly early on his intention to continue producing the series for 300 issues, culminating with the protagonist's death, "unloved, unmourned, and alone". The final issue would come out in March of 2004, he projected. And here it is.

I haven't been buying Cerebus all along. As a matter of fact, I haven't read very much of it... yet. I've never been a big fan of buying serialised stories of the sort that most modern comics have become, requiring you to either wait a month (sometimes more) between chapters, or collect a bunch of little booklets before you can start reading them. So I decided some years ago that, for limited series I knew would later be reprinted in collected editions, I'd wait and buy them that way. Cerebus already had a backlist of several collections on the shelves, but I didn't want to have to sit and wait between those. So I decided that I'd wait until the last one was out before I'd start reading. I special-ordered #300 more for the sake of participating in a much-awaited event: the March 2004 release.

Sim has been variously described as a genius and a lunatic. He's probably both. The sheer hubris of setting out to write and illustrate a 6000-page graphic novel, and the obsessive tenacity to actually do it are evidence of both. By all accounts, reading the book provides even more... with probably more of the genius showing in the earlier half and more of the lunatic in the latter half. He's developed a fairly wacked-out and misogynist cosmology over the years (most evident in the essays and commentary pages at the back of the monthlies) and I'm curious to see how it shows through in the story.

Regardless of what I think of his philosophy, I have a great deal of admiration for Sim. Not just for the 300 issues, but how he did it. He refused to sell the series to a publisher (there was at least one serious offer from a major player). He maintained his independence, allowing him to call all the shots with his creation. If he wanted to include the Marx Brothers, Oscar Wilde, F.Scott Fitzgerald, and himself as characters, there was no one to tell him not to. He could do dopey superhero parodies at his discretion. Popular characters could be killed and stay dead. If he wanted to let prose and essays squeeze out the sequential-art storytelling for a time, he could. When his anti-feminist and anti-homosexualist ranting caused many readers to drop the series and sales figures frankly sucked, no one could cancel it on him. The only noteworthy concession he made to this do-it-yourself/own-it-yourself ethic was to partner with Gerhard, his background artist for all but the early issues. And true to Sim's creator-ownership manifesto, he made his collaborator a co-owner.

In some ways, I look to Sim as a role model. He certainly served as an example to many other writer/artists who've followed in his footsteps by publishing their own work (DC, Marvel, and their ilk be damned). But don't expect me to announce any grand quarter-century objectives like his.

Going to a doctor and getting the news that I have a "health risk factor" (however mild) on my charts has got me thinking a little about my mortality. The old "what if I only had ___ to live?" question has hung about me, and I was torn between two conflicting ideals: make a mark, or live it up. I came down on the side of the latter.

When I was younger I was definitely more in the "make a mark" camp. I wanted to change the world, to make a difference. I'd still like that, but if I only had a year or several left, it wouldn't be my highest priority any more. In some ways, I've already done that. I was publically involved in les/bi/gay/trans rights issues back when even mere visibility was a major problem. I volunteered helping gay youth, some of whom have specifically told me that I'd made a difference in their lives. This doesn't necessarily let me off the hook for doing anything more, but at least it gives me some comfort in terms of my mortality.

Ultimately it comes down to my own view of the universe (which diverges widely from Sim's, obviously). Spending my final years establishing my importance to the fate of the world might make me happier in the afterlife... but I don't believe in an afterlife. So instead it'd make more sense to focus on making myself happier in this life. Rather than worrying about some checklist of things to do before I die, I'd be happier just making sure that I'm doing something I enjoy... even if doesn't have any lasting consequences. So no "run for president" or "climb Mt. Everest" or "publish a 6000-page story"... unless I'd really be happy while doing that. And I don't think I necessarily would.

I am planning on doing something (superficially) similar to Sim's project. And I do very much want to finish it. But the bottom line for me is going to be having fun with it. If that leads to it getting published and read by tens of thousands and discussed by millions and changing the world... great. But the main point of it is to enjoy the ride, and the destination is wherever it gets me.