Dear Santa: Bring Me a Man

Why do I always find out about things too late? I just stumbled across a mention online of something I should have had on my Christmas list, and now I'll have to wait a whole year before Santa comes again. But maybe it's for the best, because this way Santa has plenty of time to get it ready for me.

The gift I'm talking about is the RealDoll. Simply put, it's what the package for every blow-up sex doll promises... but this one really delivers. Instead of being an undersized version of a Macy's parade balloon, it's a realistic artificial fuck partner, complete with a fully posable internal skeleton, natural-looking latex-and-silicone contours, and quite anatomically correct. They're so realistic that they have a subscription site featuring porn shots... of just the dolls. While some of the sample shots look a bit like Barbie with an unusually phallic Ken, they're pretty impressive in terms of posability and realism.

You can customise your order for a RealDoll, for hair color and style (both head and pubic), skin tone, eye color, and various other details. There are more options available for the female dolls (obviously a bigger market), and I'd like a little more choice in terms of body or face type, but the standard male doll's plenty hot for me, so I won't complain. And they do offer options for the trait most likely to matter to those buying an artificial man: dick size. For some reason the ability to fuck him in the ass is not standard on the male doll (oral sex is), but it's available on request. They don't say, but I assume he's constantly erect. Again, I'm not complaining. {grin}

The bad news is the price. RealDolls start at $6000 (plus substantial shipping costs: they don't deflate, after all) for the female models, and $7000 for the male. (Perhaps appropriately, a female doll with a penis added costs $6500.) Which is why I'm going to have to ask Santa for one; I can't afford one for myself.

Now, when I say "Santa", that could mean just about anyone. You don't have to be a fat, jolly fellow with a long white beard to buy me one (but you can be), and I think it's safe to say that I'd be very appreciative to whomever my Santa turned out to be. I'm not actually offering to prostitute myself here; that'd be illegal. But if I received a male RealDoll for Christmas from some generous man, I can assure you that he wouldn't have to settle for sex with just a doll. While I'm not quite the same shape as "Charlie", I'm sure I can make up for that by showing my appreciation with greater warmth and liveliness than you'd get from him. So everybody wins! {grin}

Even if Santa probably won't come down my chimney next year, I still find the RealDolls fascinating. In addition to efforts to enhance their appearance (e.g. tan lines), the manufacturers are working on features that would bring the dolls closer to life. At present that includes a system for generating pre-programmed sounds (coming from your computer) in response to certain stimuli, and an experimental electronic hip gyration system. It's probably only a matter of years before it'll be possible to put substantial digital intelligence behind these techniques, giving the dolls even more independent motion and responsiveness. Sex has pushed the development of technology before (e.g. video cameras, the Web) and this might provide some real advances in android robotics.

Howard Stern already says (in a testimonial on RealDoll.com) that he enjoyed sex with a RealDoll more than with a real woman. Granted, you have to consider the source: a girl that lies there and lets him do whatever he wants is probably pretty close to his ideal. It'll never subsitute for a real person in terms of a relationship, but the more that sex toys develop along these lines, the more likely that something like a RealDoll is going to serve as a satisfying alternative to, say, cheap anonymous sex.

So far society is willing to accept a dildo, a blow-up doll, or a RealDoll as essentially the same thing: a toy for grown-ups. But what happens when someone makes (for example) a sex-capable doll with the likeness of someone famous (with permission or not)? Or of another person they know (or want to pretend they know, and without permission)? Or that looks like it might not be - or even one that obviously isn't - of legal age? Or one that mimics an animal, such as a hamster? I'm not saying there's necessarily anything wrong with any of that... or is there?