Humbug?

I just watched Patrick Stewart's TV adaptation of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" from a few years ago. Not that I usually go in for Christmas specials, and I already know this story pretty damn well... but Star Trek: The Next Generation was a big part of a good period of my life, so I have a certain fondness for Mr. Stewart.

Since this was the first time in many years that I've seen the story played out, I had a somewhat different perspective on it than in my younger days. The main difference is that I saw some of myself in old Ebenezer Scrooge. After all, here I am: getting on in years, still nursing a broken heart over a lost love, single and childless, not particularly social, very careful with my money, and (yes, that's right) inclined to view this whole Christmas thing as bothersome as a humbug.

On the other hand, in many ways I am not Ebenezer. I have never been fixated on business or the bottom line. I've never been a "boss", but if I were, I would never treat my employees in any way like Scrooge did to Bob Crachett. Back when I had more money, I was more than happy to spend it on other people, and I still get mail solicitations from dozens of organisations I used to give money to on a regular basis.

Dickens' basic message was that if we can make others' lives better, and they can make ours better, if we open our hearts to them. I get it. Always have. That's why I still keep in touch with my family throughout the year, celebrate birthdays and holidays with them, buy presents for my sisters' kids, etc. But the notion that I - like Scrooge - might die alone and largely unmourned... doesn't bother me much. I'm pretty much figuring on it. My closest relatives will be equally-elderly sisters and a couple nieces and a nephew, and I don't expect them to drop in on me much when I become a "shut in".

That's OK, because I generally like being alone. I liked being in a relationship, but that was a strain at times, and something I'm definitely not up for these days. If in my later years I develop a wish to be around other people... well that's what overcrowded nursing homes are for, right?

In the meantime, I'll go on the way I have been. I won't go around squawking "Merry Christmas" at people, but when my nephew says "Merry Christmas, Uncle," I'll answer "Merry Christmas" not "humbug".