Moving Thoughts

One of my friends has been making a lot of "Don't you hate this weather?" and "I bet you're glad you don't have to do deliveries again this winter," comments lately... even more than one normally hears this time of year around here. Yesterday I found out why. He wants to move someplace warmer. And he wants me to move with him.

I'm not sure if the recent barrage of comments about the climate were a conscious attempt to "warm me up" to the idea before he said it aloud, or just him expressing what was on his mind. Same difference, ultimately.

Apparently he's been thinking about this quite a bit lately. He figures we can get an apartment together, build a killer home network, find jobs (maybe even at the same place), and somehow things would be better for us both there.

There are certain parts of this plan of his that I can rule out, categorically. We cannot be roommates. It would not work. It isn't so much that he's straight, and I like having a calendar in the kitchen featuring photos of nekkid 18-year-old boys with hard-ons (though that's part of it). It's stuff like his approach to housekeeping not having changed since he was 14.

Every item of clothing he owns - except for a few things that need to be on hangers - is in a pile on his couch. The one Queer-Eye-for-the-Straight-Guy thing I attempted was to give him a trash can to put next to his TV-watching chair, because the only other place he had to throw things away was a plastic garbage bag in the corner of the kitchen. He doesn't use it. My own apartment is a long way from House Beautiful, I admit, but it's a fairly subdued level of chaos that I can tolerate, and I know (from painful experience when my boyfriend moved in... briefly) that I can't deal with any more than that.

There'd also be issues with him believing that he should go to church every Sunday (even though I can tell he'd rather not), and me knowing for damn sure that I'm not going to, no matter who prods me to (not even my family).

I already have a "killer home network", and I don't want a Windows box loaded with spyware and other security vulnerabilities sharing a segment with my servers.

And that's to say nothing of the fact that I like living by myself. I like the quiet. The solitude. I like being able to get out of bed, fix breakfast, check some web sites and e-mail, all wearing nothing but a wristwatch. I like being able to watch whatever I want on the living room TV, whenever I want... even if it's a kinky gay porn video and I've got toys to play with while I watch. I'd try to compromise on stuff like this for the right person (there are certainly benefits to sharing a home with somone like that, and I'm not only thinking about the sex)... but not for merely "a friend".

Which still leaves the possibility of moving, and maybe the two of us being neighbors. I've considered moving out of Grand Rapids at times, for various reasons. Granted, the climate is one. I do like the fact that Michigan has such variety of weather over the course of the year, and I love the excitement of a good blizzard, but I'd welcome a shorter winter, perhaps with longer days and more sunlight in general. Not because of the hardship or discomfort, but just the depressiveness of short gloomy days.

I've also pretty much had to at least consider moving out of here, for professional reasons. I spent most of last year looking for a job, and what I got isn't all that great. If I want to get into anything that really takes advantage of the Digital Media degree I'm about to finish (plus my Comp Sci degree), there really isn't much of that going on around here.

One thing I run into a lot that makes me question why I live here is the right-wing closed-mindedness. It's not so bad in my neighborhood, but most of the city is overrun by flag-waving, money-worshipping, Republican-venerating, Bible-thumping retards. I had a job offer revoked when I inquired whether being openly gay was going to cause me any difficulties. The place I work now actually has a policy against anti-gay discrimination, but there are already "Bush Cheney 2004" stickers on several of my coworkers' doors. It gets tiring swimming against the tide all the time.

If I'd grown up in Mayberry or in the Big Apple, I'd probably be more comfortable in a place like one of those. But I grew up in a mid-sized city. In particular, I grew up in this one. This one is "home". I shop at the same Meijer grocery store where I used to ride the mechanical horse for a penny as a kid. I live in a house that I used to ride past every weekday on the way to and from school. The building where I went to high school is gone, but in its place is a building housing several of the computer labs I'm responsible for in my current job. I know the neighborhoods. I know the suburbs. I know the highways. I even know some of the people.

My social network sucks, but at least here I have one. For starters, my parents, my sisters, their families, my grandmother, and some of the extended family are all here. Most of the few friends I've stayed in touch with over the years are here. I'm generally content with little-to-no social life, but I know I need a network of this sort for professional reasons. Here I have classmates, former instructors from college, and a whole bunch of former co-workers who could possibly serve as contacts or informal references for job opportunities. Starting over in a new city I'd have none of that (except for one friend in the same boat), and the reason my social network sucks is that I'm so poor at building them. I don't know how I'd start one from scratch.

I suppose there's an element of insecurity involved. But there's a lot to be said for security. There have been a few times in my life it seemed like the whole world was unstable, and it felt like I'd lost every anchor point I knew, such as my lover or my livelihood. But at least I was on familiar turf. I could draw strength from that... I suppose a bit like a sports team benefits from playing on their home field.

Ultimately, I think what it would take to get me to move is continued failure to find a job I enjoy around here, and landing an exciting, interesting job somewhere else, and for that "somewhere else" to be the kind of place I wouldn't mind living. A warmer or brighter climate would be nice, or a more open and tolerant sociopolitical climate would be attractive. But neither would be enough by itself (or even combined) to entice me to give up the comforts of "home".