NYPD Blues

I've been watching old episodes of NYPD Blue lately... stuff my TiVo recorded for me, thinking I might want to watch it. I wasn't watching the show back when these were first on, about 5 years ago, so I've been watching some of them. There's some fairly good melodrama in them, a nice escape from thinking about the real world. Except for one thing.

At least once per episode (in the opening credits, and usually occurring randomly during the story) there's a poke in the eyes. A fast-cut shaky-cam shot of an everyday sight on the streets of Manhattan: the twin towers of the World Trade Center.

Three years ago, those towers - and the people inside them - became martyrs in the minds of many Americans. They became a symbol of national mourning and outrage. "We will never forget," became not just a condolence to the victims' friends and families, but a battle cry, like "Remember the Alamo."

And we haven't forgotten. I don't think anyone (American or not) who saw what happened that sunny Tuesday ever could forget those horrific images. And that video snippet in the NYPD Blue credits, between snippets of Ricky Schroder and Nicholas Turturro, brings it all back. But what I feel now isn't outrage. It isn't fear. It's a momentary reflex of pain, and a lingering sadness. It's a sadness about what we lost that day.

America lost more than just three thousand spouses and parents and siblings and friends. It lost more than economic momentum. Some would say we lost our innocence, but I don't think that's it. It's more like we lost our bearings.

An American president who had campaigned with the message that America needed to act with more humility on the world stage turned around and snubbed several of our strongest allies, insisting that we had a right to wage "pre-emptive" war. An American public who had responded very positively to that message of humility... followed. It became acceptable in America to exhibit the kind of nationalist/ethnic bigotry against France and the French, that was given to Germans and Japanese during World War 2... and France hadn't even done anything to America. An America that once stood as an example to the world for the rights of the accused to a fair and speedy trial, came to condone or justify secret arrests, imprisonment without trial, and even torture.

This loss of an America capable of moral leadership in the world affects the whole world, I think. I know it sounds arrogant, but I've heard from people in other countries who appreciated an America that might shame their own government into doing the right thing, or might stand by their government when it did so on its own initiative. They've lost that.

But more personally, I feel I've lost my ability to declare myself an American without losing respect from those who are not. I've always been a bit reticent about my country's position as an often-unpopular super-power, but even when spending time in Europe during the Reagan administration, I could shrug with a smile and say that I didn't vote for him, and I felt that my opinion on world affairs would usually get a fair hearing. I'm not sure I could count on that anymore.

I don't know if electing a different president will fix any of this or not. I do fear that re-electing the same one will mean either that America's truly lost its way, or will simply go further astray with bad leadership.

And I can't even watch a damn TV show without nagging reminders of all this.